The Waiting Room Called “Singleness”
Written By Emily Burrill, USA
There’s a raging party that is sweeping across the world.
It’s exciting. It’s trendy. It has confetti and sparkly dresses and loud music. It’s desired by many. And it makes for some really swell Instagram photos.
There is also a waiting room to get into the party. The waiting room is dull. Its walls are bland and colorless. It’s crowded but full of empty people that desperately want to get invited to the party.
This is the sad reality of singleness in college. It is viewed as lonely, depressing, and weak. It’s a waiting room. All of these girls are waiting. Waiting for a chance for a cute boy with a hipster haircut and mad long boarding skills to ask them out on a date so they can finally take part in that raging party of being in a couple.
The more they wait, the more hopeless they become. They see more and more people being invited to the party. They see more and more marriage engagements on Facebook. They see more and more cute couple videos on YouTube. And while they wait, they deteriorate.
The waiting room destroys. It destroys self-esteem. It destroys confidence. It destroys body image. It destroys self-image. It destroys from the inside out.
Soon, they start thinking they are not good enough to be loved. They are not pretty enough. They are not smart enough. They are not interesting enough. They are fat and ugly. They are not attractive to any man. It is their fault they are single.
Before long, they are completely hopeless. The only thing they have left is a lifeless shell of their exterior with nothing but self-loathing on the inside.
Ladies, the waiting room is a lie.
It is a lie that is handed to us directly from the hand of the devil. This lie is meant to empty us from the inside out. To leave us hopeless, depressed, anxious, broken and left with nothing.
The devil has lured us into the waiting room and made us obsessed with one goal: to get the guy, to date him, to get engaged to him, and to marry him. While that desire is valid and something I want as well, we may have unwittingly made this the most important goal in our life.
So this is my question: When did the guy become the goal instead of God?
Matthew 6:21 states, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” In other words, what you place as your goal is where your heart truly is. We have treasured a boy above God. We have desired a relationship with a man above a relationship with our Creator. We have destined ourselves to an end goal of marriage rather than a goal of everlasting life with our Father.
Ladies, he’s not the goal. He’s the goal.So to all my single friends, don’t wait in the waiting room. The devil created it in a desperate attempt to weaken our self-identity and to distract us from the truth. We have been blinded to think that waiting for a man is like waiting for a party. A party that is too cool and too rad for us. The party is a lie. Ask anyone in a relationship. The reality of coupling isn’t as great as they portray on Instagram. Yes, it is a gift. But it is not the goal.
We have got to stop seeing relationships as the goal and singleness as a period of mundane waiting. We can partake in the greatest party in the history of humanity—a relationship with God. Growing closer to Him, loving Him, being with Him, all while investing in relationships with your girl friends, your guy friends, and your family. You can be unattached. You can go places. You can do things. You can empower. You can grow. You can have strength.
The waiting room is a place of destruction. It’s time to step out and live. Ladies, we are strong. We are influential. We have the power to do things that couples can’t do. We are undistracted. We have more time. We can empower.
Singleness is strength. And that is the truth.
So, my encouragement to you: Stand up, leave that waiting room, and live.
While you live, remember the truth; he’s not the goal. He’s the goal.
I really love this article—it depicts many truths that I want all of my sisters in Christ to see! However, I think these statements are a bit misleading:
“We have the power to do things that couples can’t do. We are undistracted. We have more time. We can empower.”
I think it’s important to remember that women in relationships can still empower, have time, and are not sentenced to a life of distraction after marriage. Single or married or anything in between, God seeks a relationship with and can use all of us, and we shouldn’t write off any group of women as unable to make positive change because of their relationship status. Amen, the waiting room is a lie! But the jail cell of being tied down in a relationship is also a lie. Great article!
Hi Natalie! Definitely! We don’t think the Emily meant that women in relationships can’t make positive change because of their relationship status. Both groups can certainly be used by God 🙂 Thank you for your wise thoughts!
Hi Natalie,
When I read those sentences, I thought of the Apostle Paul’s writing in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35
“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
So perhaps she didn’t mean it in a negative way but in a realistic way, Paul thought of singleness.
You have written a beautiful article which is so very timely and relevant! Thank you for putting the TRUTH out there in order for others to realize their worth and value in God’s eyes. May all the lovely ladies who read your message gain strength and confidence from your heart-felt and well-written article!
Lovely, motivating and strengthening article. Guys too have a lot to learn from this as I have also gained strength. Beyond relationships, there are other aspects of life where we have waiting rooms, career for example. “Live while waiting for the answers to your humble cry”